In hindsight, I realize the reason why NYC was never a good fit for me is because I always felt the pressure to be ON. The imbalance to rarely rest had caught up with me.
On the contrary, Western Mass has been way more up my alley. Next month will mark the first year that I’ve stayed put in one place for all four seasons. I did not, unlike previous years, escape the winter.
Before finding out I was pregnant with my son, while still living in the new york, I had reached a sort of pinnacle in my connection with my body: I had begun truly connecting with my cycles. If I was on my period, I’d give myself full permission to nap and rest more; if I was in my follicular cycle, I’d be on the go and on the move. Despite my adoptive city’s lack of reverence for slowing down, I managed to carve out a cycle for myself somehow.
And since finding out I was pregnant, it’s only been in the last few months that I’ve been able to re-connect with my cycle.
I moved up north to Massachusetts and it is here my son was born. Before my kid turned 2, we moved into a new home, and since then, it’s been a bit of a ride. In the same week I started my new job + he started school, he broke his femur. My heart broke into a million pieces. I had to continue on with my hustle, with a toddler in a spica cast in tow. The holidays followed soon after. And then, the New Year, and with it, the quietness that Winter brings.
And it was in this quietness that I found myself yearning for change. Not immediate change, no. I love our home, where we are, and what I’m doing; I’m grateful. But, at the end of the day, there’s a part of me that is quietly thinking ahead, quietly wanting more.
During the entirety of the winter, at times more pronounced than others, I’d get whispers of what this “more” could be. Over and over, I’d be visited by the same idea. When my intuition speaks to me, it does so through ideas. I’d catch myself chewing on this one idea for weeks on end. But, I was hesitant. Part of me wondered if this idea was coming from a place of desperation. After all, i was trying to decide where to put my energies next. Was this just me trying to fill the unknown with an answer? Or, was it perhaps the voice of Spirit pointing me in a clear direction?
Throughout my 20s, whenever I’d get a strong intuition to do something, I’d waste no time in going towards it. Being a New Yorker taught me how to do that very well. But now, knowing what I do about the importance of clear guidance and correct cyclical timing, I decided instead to do absolutely nothing all. Nothing other than pray:
“Spirit, please show me if this is Your will.”
Thing is, at this point in my life, I can’t afford to go chasing after my thoughts. I can only fully invest myself in following Spirit.
So, during this past winter, I did nothing. I took no action. I let the land lay fallow, so to speak.
What happened next… none of it was planned.
A few days before the Spring Equinox, I found myself driving up to Peru, Vermont . As fate would have it, my kid was with his dad all day, I had some extra cash from my tax refund, it was the New Moon, I was in my ovulatory phase, and I’d learned last minute that there was a one day juice cleanse retreat. Being there was such a clear yes for me. I ended up spending the day with 10 or so other women, juicing all day, doing yoga, journaling, and sharing. And it was during this circle that I got really clear with my prayers. By then, “the idea” was ever so clear, ever so present. I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I needed to know, once and for all, if Spirit was truly asking this of me. I needed to know if this idea was my indeed my calling.
A few days later, on the first official day of Spring, I got my answer. I found myself sitting across the table from my boss, who in so many words was telling me I would be replaced in a few months. Some complaints from clients had made him question whether I was the right person for the job.
I’ll be straight up- while inside, my ego was wounded and thoughts raced through my head (“Of course I’m great for this job! Plus, I need this job! I got bills to pay! Just when I was beginning to get back up on my feet financially! It can’t be! And besides, I really am good for this job! You’ll see!”) inside a part of me exhaled. Inside, it was perfectly clear that Spirit was closing this door and making it clear where the other door was opening. “Yes,” it seemed to say. “That idea? It’s now or never. Go for it.”
I left the meeting and called a friend of mine, a savvy entrepreneur who had opened a successful organic eatery in Brooklyn, craving her advice. And lo and behold, when she picked up, she was in the middle of cleaning up her restaurant, which she had permanently closed the day before. Talk about transitions. The timing for us to speak was perfect. That phone call made it even more clear that my question had been answered. I felt a radiant confidence begin to build. Spring had indeed arrived.
I am keeping the details of this idea to myself and within my inner circle for the time being. But suffice it to say it is BIG. And, ever since I committed to it, boy has it been one open door after another. This is more than sufficient proof that Spirit was, in fact, showing me where to go.
In addition to the new energy brought on by Spring, this current moon cycle in Aries has added fuel to the fire. Making it an amazing time to put the pedal to the metal. And to finish this story with yet another synchronicity, I will be given the full green light on this project on May 14. Which also happens to be the last day of this moon cycle.
And all shall be done, one breath cycle at a time.
(Pic above taken during last year’s Wild Woman Fest, during a workshop I led. I’ll be back again this year. Tickets go on sale April 27- a Flash Sale. It’s for sure to sell out, so if you feel a pull towards it, get your tickets. All deets and ticket info here.)