Celibacy is the New Black

What they say about us Scorpios is true: we are fascinated by the emotional dimension of sex and any sensual activities. Just about everything has a sensual ingredient. The attraction, the lustfulness, and the passion bubbling under the surface, are to us the true delights of sex.

And yet, or perhaps because of it, I’ve recently decided to become celibate.

Yup, you read that right. Celibate. As in, no sex.

When this idea first came to my attention, I was in my car, driving and listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations. That day, I happened to be listening to an interview she did with DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good, two people in the Hollywood industry who had remained celibate until after they married one another. They weren’t virgins, mind you, but two adults who before meeting each other had decided to stop having sex altogether, so as to get clarity. Clarity in what God wanted for them, and clarity in truly getting to know the other person without navigating the muddy waters that come with sleeping with someone.

My first reaction was a “yeah, riiiiight.”

But nonetheless, I listened to their conversation, and even was inspired to read their book, The Wait. In it, there were many things that began to resonate with me. To the point where halfway through, I made the decision to give it a shot.

Here are the 5 reasons I am now celibate:

1. Sex clouds things.
If that isn’t true, I don’t know what is. And so, in the name of clarity, I’ve embarked on this solo adventure. Call me old fashioned, but yes- I do want to be guided to my husband. And get to know him. And trust that God has put us in each other’s lives. Commit to him. And then open that door to sacred sexuality.

2. Change my patterns.
My pattern suddenly came to the surface: in past relationships, I have not hesitated in going straight for it. Jumping right in. Only to realize too late that there was really nothing more to the relationship other than the initial attraction, which eventually wore off.

3. No longer willing to settle for crumbs
As I’ve processed my decision with my close girlfriends, I’ve realized yet another thing that now feels so god damn obvious but it took this to make me see: in general, us ladies are so starved for more that we tend to settle for crumbs. And this does not do the fellas any justice, either, because they are not put in a position where they have to step up. It doesn’t excuse their behavior, either, but a guy who is willing to wait also opens up the door for him to become a better man.

4. Scary pregnancy tests
And then there’s the whole business of pregnancy. I simply refuse to take birth control (talk about wreaking havoc on my system). Having had one terminated pregnancy, I refuse to go down that path again. Which makes me rethink completely if I really want to be hooking up with just any guy.

Speaking of procreation, how can I possibly forget that amazing line from the film Wonder Woman:

Wonder Woman: “You refer to reproductive biology? … Yeah, I know. I know all about that.”

Wonder Woman’s male helper Steve: “I refer to that and, you know, other things.”

WW: “The pleasures of the flesh.”

Steve: “Do you…know about that?”

WW: “I’ve read all 12 volumes of Clio’s treatises on bodily pleasure.”

Steve: “All 12, huh? Did you you bring any of those with you?”

WW: “You would not enjoy them. … They came to the conclusion that men are essential for procreation but when it comes to pleasure, unnecessary.”


5. And also because…. I am so. over. online. dating.

Over it. My commitment to celibacy has come with an understanding that whoever I meet from here on will happen organically. Real time. Real connection. (Not to mention that friends of mine who work in hospitals have seen an increase number of people come in and diagnosed with some STD or another. Yikes. #tinderera)


So yes. To celibacy.

I am ready for something more. I am ready to be with my guy. And so, celibacy has become my intent as I wait for him. It’s me committing to myself while I am guided to him. It’s time I can use to work on myself, peel back the layers. To me, celibacy is the new black.

Will report from the front.


My name is Mishel Ixchel. I’m Ecuadorian-born &
NYC-bred. Western Mass is currently home, and it's also where I practice + teach the art of
Sacred Self Care.